drunk jilly

Cozumel – Wednesday 11/30

November 30, 2011

The ports were closed today again. Honestly, it wasn’t that windy nor did it look that rough on the water. The dive shop guy said he was surprised that they hadn’t opened them yesterday (it really had turned out beautiful). We decided, instead of scheduling a dive on Playa del Carmen again, to wait in case the ports opened later in the morning/afternoon.

They didn’t.

Nick went rogue in the afternoon, leaving Curtis, Kristen, and I to have lunch at the Blue Angel restaurant. We indulged in a few Dirty Monkeys (piña colada mix, Kahlua, rum, and bananas). After we ate, Kristen and I headed to the pool (with Dirty Monkeys to go, of course). We sunned and got our drink on. Also, there was planking and pool jumping.

For a very brief period of time, we were going to be responsible and sober up so we could do a shore dive, but then we found out that if the ports are closed, they don’t allow shore dives either. BRK was getting antsy, so we decided to walk to the Oxxo for something to do.

We never made it.

There were some shops Kristen wanted to stop at, so we did a little browsing. Then we came to the resort where MSD stays when they come here. Kristen said there was a drink called the Pink Flamingo (which we later found out from Curtis was actually called a Sea Horse (I can totally see how she could confuse the two. /sarcasm)). The bartender said he didn’t know of a Pink Flamingo, but he did have a drink that was pink. It was blended and contained a bunch of different liquors including rum, spiced rum, Malibu, and brandy. From what I can remember, we were feeling pretty good after that. We made it back to the hotel. Kristen was worried that I’d fall off the sidewalk. It’s a good thing she planked on the way there and not the way back.

Nick informed us that he had lunch at Palmeras while he was in town, which was the place Kristen wanted to try. Because he had a late lunch, the three of us went to town and ate at Palmeras. I was craving American food, so I ordered a cheeseburger. Actually, mostly I just wanted to order un hamburguesa con queso. I can’t help it. When I drink, I want to speak the Spanish. Also, I recall boring the Lahrs with talk about proper grammar. I SWEAR I’M A FUN DRUNK!

After dinner I was fading pretty fast. I crashed (passed out) immediately upon returning to the hotel room. Wait! No, that’s a lie. I tackled Kristen on the bed first. I don’t think she liked my advances. I mean, come on, it wasn’t even naked tackling! Whatever. #awkward

3rd Annual Dead Lake Wknd, part 1

June 27, 2009

Nick and I are having our 3rd Annual camping weekend at my parents’ cabin on Dead Lake. We arrived at 3:30am on Wed night/Thurs morning. My mom was there so we tried to let ourselves in quietly. The front screen door was locked. Crap. We went to the back door but the deadbolt was locked. No key for the deadbolt. Crap. My mom’s window was open so I whispered “mom” a few times, not wanting to startle her awake. Nick wondered why I was whispering, so I started saying it a bit louder. Each time I did she would just drown me out with louder snoring. Finally I yelled “MOM” and she woke up and said “WHAT?” and I said “let us in” and she said “WHO?” … Who the heck did she think was there calling her mom? She let us in and we went straight to bed.

On Thursday we got up and headed to Perham to buy groceries for the weekend. We ended up eating lunch at a tasty Chinese restaurant. When we got back I had the joy of working from the cabin. Pangie (Panda and Angie) showed up in the early evening and Jake and Sarah showed up at 12:30am, right about the time I was having my third [very] strong Bloody Mary. The six of us sat by the fire for a few hours, discussing whether or not turkeys will drown in the rain*, will donkeys will starve themselves to death?† and that shooting stars are in fact not stars but meteors. After finishing my drink and giving Angie my alcohol infused pickle, Jake started taunting me that I couldn’t handle drinking one of his warm Natty Ice beers. Of course I took him up on the offer. Truth be told, I should have stopped drinking after the second Bloody. Shortly after finishing the Natty Ice I expelled most of the contents of my belly. Twice. Although it was nice to be by a lake since I could wash my face off and such. At some point I also fell over in the camping chair on top of the Natty Ice. I went to bed while having room spinnies, which I suppose was a bad idea.

Friday morning I woke up feeling fantastic considering the events of the night before. I got out of bed and started to perk some coffee. While waiting for it to start perking I started feeling not so well. I laid down on the nearest air mattress so that I could still her the percolator. After writhing around for a bit the vomiting started. Since I had no liquid in my belly it was just bile. Gross. I started hitting the water hard so that there would be something for me to throw up. So from 10am to about 5pm it was a constant rotation of vomit, hot sweats, cold sweats, nap, repeat. Everyone kept telling me to eat so I ate 3 grapes courtesy of Deebz (Smitty and Deebz showed up somewhere in the above mentioned time frame). They didn’t stay down long, and I had absolutely no appetite. Each time I would wake up from a mini nap I felt fine, but once I sat up it would all go downhill. I could see everyone outside having fun, it was one of those perfect days. And I’m real glad that they all left their cell phones inside, one of which seemed to ring every 30 minutes or so. When everyone came in for a snack I realized how hungry I was. I could hear them talking about how delicious the strawberry rhubarb bars and smoked gouda cheese were. When everyone left for a pontoon ride I ventured out into the kitchen. I still felt sick, but I didn’t feel like I would be sick again so I binged on Cheez-Its, chewing them well so it wouldn’t be uncomfortable if they came back up. I had a bit of a headache for the remainder of the evening and felt a little woozy, but other than that I was almost fully functional.

Nick slow cooked BBQ chicken legs and made tin foil taters for dinner. So delicious. After dinner Sarah and I went to the Wagon Wheel to get some shiners for Travis since he wouldn’t be here til midnight. They were sold out for the day so we ventured into Perham to get some. When we got back to the cabin Nick, Pangie, Jake and Smitty went fishing and we found poor Deebz by her lonesome wondering where we had gone. We got a little bit of reading time in on the porch before the bugs came out and started viciously attacking. The temp cooled down outside and it was quite comfortable, but inside it was still stifling hot. The fishing crew got back right after dark when the bugs were real bad. Poor Angie had her hands full of stuff and couldn’t fight them off as she ran up to the cabin.

We could see lightening across the lake and knew the weather was going to take a bit of a turn for the evening. It started getting windy and the rain started. Travis, Marshall and Olson showed up and set up tents in the dark. Adam and Laura showed up around 1am, just as everyone was going to bed.

To be continued…

*Panda claimed that turkeys drown in the rain because they look up to see what’s going on and aren’t smart enough to put their heads back down. His basis for this reasoning is that one of his turkeys died and it had just rained.

†Angie said if you put two buckets of food on either side of a donkey, they will not know which one to eat out of and stand in the middle until they die.

1st Annual Crawl for Cancer, part 3

June 11, 2008

It was 5:00 and the Crawl was officially over. Time to go to the after party!! On the way to Bootleggers I heard a strange siren. Wasn’t sure what it was. I’m fairly positive I asked whoever was walking next to me if they heard it and they said “yeah, what it that?”

Turned out to be tornado sirens, which I learned later by drunkenly putting 2 and 2 together. We got to Bootleggers and I decided to call Nick to pick me up since we were going to our gym buddy Renee’s grad party later that evening. I went outside because the music was too loud to hear over. Smitty answered the phone at my house. I didn’t know it who it was at first. Not because I was drunk, but because there was a lot of background noise and I never know who is going to answer the phone at my house anyway. I strained so hard to hear him and comprehend what he was saying, and that’s real difficult when you’re drunk and can’t see lips moving. Turned out we were getting pelted with mega hail at home. I briefly talked to Nick and he told me they were getting stormed on and that he would call me later.

I didn’t know how long later was and I knew I’d never hear my phone ring inside the loud bar, especially with my already dulled senses. I stood in line to re-enter the bar where there was dancing and more free beer. The TV monitors above the bar were plastered with tornado warnings. Soon the downpour started, but the storm didn’t amount to anything else.

At sometime Derek decided to show off his mad dancing skillz. Not quite good enough to get us kicked out though. I knew I didn’t want to drink anymore, but with more pitchers of free beer I kept ending up with a cup in my hand. I kept trying to slyly leave the cup on a table or hand it off to someone else who didn’t have one. The pitchers didn’t look big at first glance, but after 6 hours you realize just how much beer they hold!!

Feeling a bit woozy, I sat down at a table. Soon I felt a hand on my back being sized up to the tracing of Matt’s hand on my back. I turned around and it was a Coors Light Girl. She promptly brought me to the Coors Light booth, where I was temporarily tattooed on my arm and back and handed a t-shirt. Sweet. I returned to the group where a few people oohed and awwed over my ink. I ended up giving my t-shirt to Brenda and bringing her to the booth to get tattooed as well. Then the CLGs gave me a large stack of tattoos to take home. Woo-hoo!!

Shortly after I felt my phone vibrating through my purse. I didn’t remember putting it on vibrate. I answered and went back outside. Nick said he was on his way and he’d call me when he got closer. Back in line. Back inside. Wait. Finally Nick called and I was off.

He gave me a hard time on the way home for giving “his” free t-shirt away. When we got home there were still little piles of hail in the yard. The plan was to let me lay down for a little while before going to Renee’s. I think the plan was really to let Nick play video games with his buddies longer. I promptly went inside to the bathroom and prayed to the porcelain goddess. Fortunately there was nothing but liquid in my belly (and I was drunk) so everything came out easily. I proceeded to face plant on the bed and ~~pass out~~ go to sleep.

I woke up around 11pm to repeat the process. And at 11:30. 11:45. 12:05. Etc, etc. No more than 20 times between 11pm and 3am. I kept drinking water in between so that I’d have something to throw up as opposed to dry heaving and getting that acidy burning crap all up in my mouth. I tried not drinking water hoping that maybe the urge to purge wouldn’t trigger, but it didn’t work that way. I kept getting mad at my system for trying to rid itself of something that wasn’t there any longer. Unlike my usual loud vomiting, it was much quieter than normal. It sounded familiar, but I couldn’t quite place where I heard it before. Then I remembered.

Click here to listen and let me know when you figure it out!!

This entire time Boo kept watch over me from the hallway. She didn’t change positions the entire night. It was like she didn’t actually want to be near me, but she was going to man the post to make sure I wasn’t bothered by the riffraff in the house. I was half expecting her to end up like this:

moar funny pictures

Nick finally gave up on the idea of me going to Renee’s, so he left me to fend for myself (I was fine, really) and took off to the grad party sometime after midnight. The next day Renee showed me pictures of the hail at her house. She said some of her friends froze the chunks to mail hailtinis.

As good as a hailtini sounds I’m glad we didn’t get any this size at our house, being only a mile apart and all. I like my vehicles undented, thank you very much.

On Sunday I was feeling much better, although not quite good enough to go to the gym. Brenda left her shirt behind at Sarah’s, so now Nick gets his free shirt. Apparently Matt read my blog and thinks I remembered too much to be drunk. Oh let me tell you, I was!!

The Crawl was a lot of fun and I would definitely do it again next year, reconstructed t-shirt and all.

1st Annual Crawl for Cancer, part 2

June 4, 2008

Let me kick off this post by specifying just how awesome our shirts turned out. This wasn’t your typical winged chop job. It actually turned out really well. We had boat neck cap sleeve shirts, v-neck slit shirts, sleeveless shirts with shoulder ties… I, personally, had a halter neck shirt with the back slit and tied, mostly because my shirt was a size too big. But due a lot to the fact that I did mine the night before.

If you have an event that you have to wear a mens shirt for but still want to look like a female (if you are already, of course) I highly suggest taking the scissors to it. You can search for “t-shirt surgery” or “t-shirt reconstruction.” There are easy ideas requiring only scissors and there are some really cool ones for those who have mad sewing machine skillz. Ohmystars Craft is the site we got our ideas from.

This is us sober:

This is us not:

Also, there are quite a few facts that I’ve remembered since my last post that could have been added to my last post:

Forgotten fact #1
When we were leaving Bootleggers (the first time) we had our photo taken by Minnage, one of those places that takes photos at events. We are so cool that we made it in their CfC gallery. Here’s our pic:

That photo includes Kirk, complete with tricked out hot pink shirt, collar still popped. And on the Minnage site I also found a nice photo of Hot Pink and the guys that hosed him:

Forgotten fact #2
Now in the first Minnage photo, you’ll notice a banana. On the walk to Champps I noticed Matt carrying a banana. Apparently he got it from someone and was going to eat it because he was hungry, but he was too drunk and smooshed half of it. Somehow I got smooshed banana all over my hand, and although Matt wouldn’t let me wipe it off on him, he did let me wipe it back onto the banana. The banana hung out with us at Champps but was left behind because it got too messy.

Forgotten fact #3
Matt’s smooshed protein bar that he carried in his pocket. It kept making appearances, every time being flatter and more condensed than the time before. He eventually ate it.

Forgotten fact #4
The light rail. I had no idea there was one downtown. It really through me for a trip when I saw it light railing along next to us. For some reason it reminded me of being in San Francisco with the cable cars, sans cables.

Forgotten fact #5
At Champps Matt had a great idea. He was going to get us kicked out of the next bar by way of dancing too good. You can re-read that all you want, you read it right the first time.

Forgotten fact #6
The extra sticker. Somewhere along the line I picked up an extra sticker from The Lodge. I noticed that a second one appeared in the photos that were taken of us. Where it ended up going after that, I don’t know. But I did find a sticker rolled up and stuck to the bed sheets the next day.

Forgotten fact #7
It took us until the 5th bar, Rosens, before we ran into another group that modified their shirts. We ran into a couple of girls in the bathroom. Their team name was the “Tripods” because, “you know, when you get drunk and start doing tripods?” Awesome. I’ve never done a drunken tripod. In fact, I haven’t done a tripod since about 8th grade, but drunken tripods sound like an interesting concept.

Those are all the forgotten facts that I can remember that I remembered. I wanted to get them out there before I forgot again. Part 3, including the after party and the events that occurred afterward, are still to come. In response to Blog Reader Kristen’s comment, if there’s anything I’ve forgotten that occurred after Rosens, it’s not due to the number of days that have passed since the event… if you know what I mean.

1st Annual Crawl for Cancer, part 1

June 1, 2008

Yesterday I participated in the 1st Annual Crawl for Cancer downtown with some friends. There were 10 of us on the team: Sarah, Michelle, Kristy, Jenn, Brenda, Jillian, Krista, 2 of Kristy’s friends from the gym (Derek & Matt), and of course, me. It was a pretty neat setup. For a mere $400 per team we got a total of 20 pitchers of beer at 5 bars, t-shirts, taxi vouchers and more free beer at the after party. There were 51 (?) teams total and 10 or so participating bars, so each team had a different bar schedule.

Our team (cleverly named The Random Hi-Fives) got maroon shirts. Us girls (-Jillian) met at Sarah’s house before hand and chopped up our shirts to make them more feminine and all around awesome. Actually I did mine the night before, but that’s another story. The plan was to leave by 12:30 so we could get to the first bar at 1:00 when it started, but the shirt reconstructions held us up a little bit seeing it was rather impromptu.

The Lodge Bar
The first bar we went to was The Lodge Bar. We arrived at about 1:20. We met Jillian and the guys there. There were only a few teams in there when we arrived. I think our shirts got us a lot of attention. There was this one dude in a hot pink shirt with another shirt draped over his shoulder. He kind of stood out seeing that he was a guy in hot pink and there weren’t any other hot pink people in the bar. We drank our first 4 pitchers, got to know Matt & Derek a little better, gave each other random hi-fives and got free stickers. We were also joined by Kirk, a guy that Sarah knew somehow. He was shirtless. Well, not shirtless shirtless, but he didn’t have a maroon Crawl for Cancer shirt. Somewhere along the line someone decided to Sharpie tattoo me with “Random Hi-Fives” so that people would know why we were acting like such dorks. No one else would take the plunge though… yet. Matt wanted to trace his hand on my open back, but I vetoed that. We finished up our beer at about 2:00. Perfect timing, we headed to or next bar.

Bootleggers
Our second bar was Bootleggers (also the after party bar). It was a short walk. We were random hi-fiving other teams that we passed on the street. Kristy even got denied a hi-five. Who does that?? No stickers at Bootleggers, but we did manage to get a fifth pitcher for free. Krista also got us a round of shots. Sarah took one for the team and drank most of mine. I’m such a wimp. The guy in the hot pink shirt was there too. I asked Hot Pink why he was the only one with a hot pink shirt and he said it was because his team hosed him. I asked him why he had an extra shirt and he said he was meeting someone but now they weren’t coming. Perfect. I told Hot Pink that Kirk didn’t have a shirt and pointed to him. Next thing you know, Kirk was wearing a hot pink CfC t-shirt, and we completed the look by popping the color of his blue polo shirt he was wearing underneath. By this time the “Random Hi-Fives” tattoo was sweeping the team like wild fire. We even got Matt to tattoo the back of his neck. We had been complaining the entire time that there was no patio, when finally someone noticed there was a patio out back. We spent the rest our time at Bootleggers outside. Pretty soon it was 3:00, time for bar #3.

Champps
Finally, a bar with some food!! We went straight to the outdoor bar and Jenn ordered some zza. Best. Zza. Ever. And I’m pretty sure I burnt the roof of my mouth, but at that point I didn’t care. One of the guys from another team asked us about our shirts, how we found the time to do it, how long it took, if it was hard, etc. We ended up getting quite a bunch of compliments on them. Hot Pink’s un-hot-pink team was there too. Somehow Matt and I discovered we both went to schools in the same school district, until I moved anyway, but who’s keeping track. I’ll tell you who wasn’t keeping track at this point. Me. It was 4:00 before I knew it and we were off.

Lone Tree
The next bar on our list was the Lone Tree. Walking in I immediately had flash backs of my first official bar visit after turning 21. We played some flip cup game with the chocolate colored team. That was pretty fun. Kirk had to leave us to go to work. That’s about all I remember from the Lone Tree, other than all of us going to use the bathroom, a couple girls going into the men’s room (the guy who needed to use the facilities was a good sport), and our guys leaving us because they thought we left them. But it was ok, we were all going to the same place.

Rosens
We got to the bar and found our guys near one of those giant windows that opens all the way to the floor of the bar, which is about 3 feet off the ground. They helped us into the bar and I guess got yelled at from the bouncer. No harm, no foul. This bar was a lot of fun. There was much talk about going to a George Michael concert, and my feet were pretty soaked from all the beer being spilled. A fire truck full of firemen pulled up. Kristy and I jumped out of the window to five them random hi-fives. It would have made for a perfect photo op had Brenda been sober enough to operate her camera. The other thing I remember about this bar is more tattooing. I talked Derek into tattooing “Random Hi-Fives” on his forearm. Then I attempted to touch up the illegible tattoo on Matt’s neck, but it ended up being a big blob of sharpie. NOT because I was too drunk, but because he wouldn’t stop dancing to “Gimme More.” Then Matt brought up wanting to trace his hand on my back again. I told him no, but Kristy said I he deserves it for how bad is neck looked (not my fault). We agreed that Kristy could trace his hand on my back. Soon it was 5:00. Crawl officially over. After party officially begun. We headed back to Bootleggers.

Watch for part 2 and photos coming soon…